You can pick your friends... just not at school

Anne and Lydia were doing school in the other room yesterday...

Anne had not been paying attention or doing a very good job.

She had been giggling and was just generally being naughty.

Suddenly I heard Lydia say loudly,

"NOOOO.... Get your finger out of your nose! When you are doing school you do not have your finger in your nose. You're just fiddling around with that finger!"

You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. You just can't pick your nose at school.

"Ahhhhh - The shoe cracks me up!"

- Anne while watching me go through pictures on the computer.

 

Omaha

 

The Rare Pizza Animal

Tonight, during supper:

"What kind of animal is this in my pizza?"

We all laughed, then I went to get my camera to document the offending animal.

As I'm taking the picture, she continued,

"It could totally be a bug, the little string things could be its eyes."

Then after taking the picture, I tossed the "animal" back onto her plate, breaking it in half accidently.

"Hey!!! You broke my bug in half!

Omnivore!!!!

Right now, at this very moment, while I'm posting other stories...
ha ha ha ha
I can barely type this...

Anne is feeding Samuel the rest of his supper.

But the funny thing is that she keeps repeating over and over, very loudly,

"Omnivore!!!! Omnivore!!!! Omnivore!!!!"

She did start out by teaching him what omnivore means,

"Sam, an omnivore is somebody who eats all their food."

Our Poor Neglected Left Hands

Today Anne asked Lydia,

"Mom. What am I supposed to be doing with my left hand?"

Lydia replied,

"Anything you like."

Which seemed appropriate to me.

While Lydia was telling me about it at the supper table tonight, Anne added,

"I asked 'cause it just kinda hangs there and I always use my other hand!"

So we came up with a list of things she couldn't do without her left hand:

• Clap
• Tickle
• Carry her brother
• Rake leaves
• Help dad with chores
• Carry two gallons of milk (which she's been able to do since she was two and one half)
• Unload the dishwasher (honestly one of her favorite things to do)
• Swing on our swingset
• Pull up your pants (when she has plumber's disease - which happens quite often )

Poop Tunnel

We were driving home from Tim's office the other day and there were hundreds of birds in the road, on the wires above, in the grass beside the road - all around.

I honked the horn as we approached and they started flying around. Anne piped up from the back seat, "Wow Mom! It's a poop tunnel!" Then after we passed them all, "Did they get us?" I said, "Nope." She said kind of quietly, "They made a poop tunnel and they failed."

One Tough Kid

"See how I'm missing a finger?

"Yeah, I went down to the basement and I was working and I dropped my wallet and my cell phone.

"I bent down to get it and I put my hand on a poky, not a poky little puppy (favorite book) but a poky thing; and it went 'bulooom' (motioning with one finger around the one that was "lost") and I felt pokies in my finger and they hurt but I picked up my wallet and my cell phone.

"Then I came back upstairs and I noticed I had lost this finger. So, I went back downstairs and I found it and then I picked it up and took it to the Doctor and they glued it back on. I was glad because I wouldn't be able to do my work if I didn't have all my fingers.

(So is it missing or not?)

A song

Found this one that Tim had written down from 10/15/06

Anne is singing right now, while looking out the window, "Unsweetened Yogurt, Unsweetened Yogurt, Unsweetened Yogurt"

...she used her seat belt.

In the van today waiting for Lydia watching a lady beside us get into her van.

Anne: "Hey dad, that lady knows the Lord Jesus."

"Oh yeah, how do you know?"

Anne: "Because she used her seat belt."

Mr. Salesman

Lydia was in the kitchen fixing dinner tonight.
The phone rang.

"Tim, can you get that?"

"Yep." I answered.

I answered the phone, "Hello?"

"Hi may I speak with Lydia please?"

I asked, "May I ask who is calling?"
"This is Mr Cutco." (Not his real name, but was he really was calling about)

I said, "One moment."

(covering the phone microphone)
"Lyd, it's Mr. Cutco."

She answered, "I'll talk."
Then to Anne, "Go get the phone from Daddy please."

Anne comes to the back room, I'm holding the corded phone, "I need that" she said. I laughed, "Anne, get the cordless."
"I can't!" she said, "Mom told me 'Get the phone from Daddy'!"

I told her, "You can't take this phone to her, go get the cordless."

(All the while Mr. Cutco is waiting)

So, Anne marches into the dining room, through the living room, and into the front hall and pushes the button to make the cordless phone beep so she can find it. It's five feet away from where I was sitting. She walks back through the living room, through the dining room, and back to the back room to pick up the cordless phone.

Poor Mr. Cutco Knives - still waiting.

Where was I... Oh yes, the cordless phone was beeping when Anne picked it up, so she did what she always does. She pushed the button to make it stop, which also happens to be the button that takes it off hook so one can talk.
She loves to talk on the phone... Poor Mr Cutco Knives... He has no idea what is about to be unleashed upon him.

"Hewoh." (Hello with a 'w' instead of the L's)

"Good evening Lydia, how are you today?"

"Dood" (Good with a D for the G)

"Great! Well I'm just calling to talk to you about ... blah blah blah" He goes on for about 15 or 20 seconds, then there are some noises that are obviously Anne giving the phone to Lydia, then -

"Hello?" - Obviously an adult voice, obviously Lydia's voice.

"Oh, did you hear what I just said?"

"No, that was my four-year-old."

At that point I hung up...

Which means I could have, at any point intervened and spared Mr Cutco Knives the embarrassment of having been duped by my four-year-old daughter.

But you know, if I had, you wouldn't be reading this right now - snickering.

Warning: Gross - Alternate term for fly guts

Anne and I are talking about flies. There is a huge one on the window screen. I said, "Smash that fly with your finger."

She replied, "Ew! No!"

I said, "Why?"

Anne: "Because sometimes they have boogers come out of their bottoms."

Lydia: "When did you see one with boogers coming out of its bottom? Was it dead?"

Anne: "Yes, I killed it, then I touched it, then I got booger poop on my finger."

Last night's dinner prayer

We've told Anne that when she wants to pray the same thing for a lot of people, she can just say something like, "everyone we love" or "our friends and family". Oftentimes she'll pray things like, "Please keep everyone we love safe and help them have a good night's rest."

Tonight before she was going to give thanks for dinner, Tim reminded her that a lot of our good friends are traveling this weekend.

This is how her prayer began:

"Dear Father, we pray for all the people we love who are traveling this weekend... (long pause) even the Blooms."

Clean-Up on Aisle Four

I was writing an e-mail today and Anne was in the room with me. She said, "Mom, I'm going to go poop, will you come wipe me?"

I said, "Yes, just call for me when you're ready."

A few minutes later I heard:
In a slow announcer voice (like over the over-head speakers at a store):
Clean-up on aisle four. Someone has pooped. Clean-up on aisle four. Someone has pooped.

First, I couldn't believe my ears... Where did she come up with that? I sat in my chair for a minute laughing and listening in case she said something else hilarious. Then... Panic. What if she had an accident on the floor and that was her way of telling me? When they say "aisle" they usually mean floor. I did NOT want to do the clean-up on aisle four! Well, fortunately it was just her quirky sense of humor and she was sitting patiently on the toilet waiting for me when I finally went in to take care of her. What a relief!

Fifty Thousand

When Anne is talking about something that she thinks is really expensive, she'll say, "It's Fifty Thousand bucks!" (Well, it actually comes out "Butts" and it's always hard for me to keep from commenting "That's a lot of butts!") She also says things like, "Will you be gone fifty thousand hours?" Fifty thousand is her biggest number.

As we were leaving Grandma's house tonight Anne announced from the back seat, "Mom, I shut the garage door all by myself!" I said, "Really? Wow. " Anne said, "Yeah, it's really hard. It's heavy. It takes like fifty thousand strengths, and I have them... and you do too!"

Crazy

I can't think of a better title for this post.

This is a collection of things I've overheard Anne say since about the first of March of this year (2006).

Anne!

Where are you?

I'm just watching out our window.

What?
What are you doing?

"I'm just watching out our knee boar hood (neighborhood)"
"Out the window"
"I'm watching the alley."

---------------------------

"Up from the Gravy (grave)... I will follow you."
"I'm not following you, I want to stay with the Lord Jesus."

"Up from the grave He ARosa"

---------------------------

"Doors are fun, doors are beautiful."

then she sings
"Doors are fun, doors are good to shut."
"open their mouth, and open their mouth."
"open their door, and open the door."

---------------------------

"Oh Tree Cellphone."
"Cellphone"
"6...9..." (trailing off)
(then starts a coughing fit)

-----------------------

while holding a bottle of sprinkles for ice cream,
"Chocolate Corn-Head, Chocolate Corn-Head"

Talvary

Singing... "You went to talvary, and there you died for me. Thank you

ward for wuvin me."

Bleeding Eyes

This is from a month or two ago

I'm walking around in my underwear.
We're talking about going on a date, and leaving, and anne needs some shorts to
be modest.

I told Lydia, "You'll be fine."

Anne pipes up and says to me, "Dad, you are NOT fine."

"You can wear your t-shirt, but you can NOT wear just your unders.
People would see you and say, 'Ew! Gross' then have to look away and their eyes would bleed."

Fixin' to find out

(From July 20th) We were cleaning the counter together and I asked Anne if that was food or a stain on the cabinet to the right of her. She headed toward it with her washcloth and said, "Well, we're fixin' to find out."

Beefers

The other day Lydia and Annie, and Nanna were on the highway when they saw a beaver along-side the road.

Anne said loudly and excitedly, "What is that?!"

Lydia said, "That's a beaver."

(Still loudly and excitedly)
"What's a beefer!?"

Beefer has now become a term of endearment and slight insult in our house.

examples:
Sam is a big beefer
Lydia does not like it when I call her beefer.

Gas

I was talking to Lydia on the phone the other day and she told me this story.

Anne: "I'm the gassiest little person!!"

Lydia: "You are?"

Anne: "Yes!"

(small pause in conversation)

Anne: "I tooted when were at the garage sale."
Anne: "Then several back there." (matter of factly)
Anne: "And then two times again... Just now!!"

Badness at Breakfast

Anne and I are eating breakfast together.

I needed some more milk, but before getting it,I went into the other room to talk to Lydia for a few minutes. When I came back, I went into the kitchen to get the milk out of the 'fridge.

Anne pipes up from the adjacent dining room, "What are you doing? Getting a spanking spoon?"

I thought to myself, "Hmmmmm.... Sounds like a guilty conscience." So I replied, "Yes."

Now, usually when she asks questions like that and she knows she didn't do anything deserving of a spanking she will say, "Why?"

But not this time. Nope.

Instead I heard an almost dejected, "Ok." As thought she knew she deserved it.

I didn't actually get a spanking spoon - just the milk.

When I got to the table Anne asked, "Where is it?"

I said, "Anne, I know you did naughty things, and I know what they are, but I want you to tell me what you did."

She said somewhat contritely, "I blew bubbles in my milk."

At this I barely restrained an explosive giggle, but managed to maintain a stern face.

"What else?"

Even more contritely, "Umm... I also ate my sausage."
(I had told her to eat her blueberry muffin before finishing her sausage.)

"Ok, what else."

"I spilled milk on my weg (leg)... when I was blowing bubbles in my milk."

(Barely restraining explosive laughter) "Ok, Anne. You know, you shouldn't blow bubbles in your milk, but I'm not going to give you a spanking for these things because they're pretty silly."

The Accidental Gun

Annie (contrite voice):
Dad, sorry.
I drew a house, and I needed to draw a door...
But I accidentally drew a gun.

Sorry.

Dad:
Annie, we don't draw guns.

Annie (still contrite):
I know, it was an accident.

Here's the evidence of the crime.

I will slice your tires...

Can we listen to music please?
No, we're just having a quiet day.
Yeah, and you like to hear my nice songs.

if you do not have salvation... I will slice your tires with a gun.
if you do not have salvation, I will shoot the artilleryery.

Probably uses a 'mote

I was showing Anne lightening tonight.

She said, "Sky! More lightening please!"

To which I replied, "Annie, God is the One who makes the lightening, you should ask Him."

She responded, "Will you ask Him with me?"

So we sat there together praying, "God, may we have more lightening please? Amen."

"How can God make the lightening, He doesn't have a thing for it, He probably has a 'mote" (Remote)

I didn't say anything.

She continued, "No, He doesn't use a 'mote, He uses His Heart."

Several minutes later...

"I just saw some more lightening!
I guess He's selling more."

I like boys

"I like boys, did you know that?"

no.

"Yeah, they're cute.
Like babies."